Have you ever gotten caught up in the worry of not having enough? Felt anxiety, fear, or even terror of looking at your bank account? I’ve been there too. I lived with my bank account ‘in the red’ for quite a few years and stressed over student loan debt and credit card debt. I fell victim to over-work and under-pay and had to hustle for years just to keep my head above water. I lived in a constant state of struggle. Then I noticed something one day.
I realized I was associating money with fear. The fear though, was really wrapped around security. When I started my photography business last November I had some concerns about wether or not I would be able to make enough money to support myself. At this point in time I had dug myself out of the financial pit I had been in. I had a steady, secure job that I could rely on. I was doing well financially and I didn’t want to risk losing security when I had worked so hard to achieve it. I felt shame about my past and I feared that I would repeat it. As the days passed though, I felt the urge grow stronger and stronger. This ache for ‘something more’ was beckoning me and I felt deep within that I was being guided to go ‘out on my own’ as a photographer. I would have to risk my financial security to do it. I knew I needed to TRUST that I would be carried through just as I had always been in the past. This Bible verse pushed me to take the leap of faith and make the scary decisions I knew I was being called to make.
Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather and store away into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. …If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Today I choose to live differently and my life is blessed because of it. That small step of faith catapulted me into an even deeper connection with my higher power. I put God first in my life, in my business, on my financial path, and trust that he will provide if I turn it all over to him. It’s not always easy and many times I catch myself slipping back into worry. When I do, I know I need to get still, quiet, and go within to find the answers. Turning it over though, doesn’t mean that I just kick back and hope that God will pay my bills and balance my checkbook (I wish! ). Taking action and responsibility is as much a part of the equation as is the faith. The difference is that my priorities are aligned. Financial security is no longer the goal, doing what I feel passionate about and called to do, is the goal. The ironic thing about it, is that the more I worried about money, the less of it I had. The more I focus on opening my heart and helping others, the more I can see how I am provided for. In essence, the solution seemed to be to CHOOSE LOVE OVER FEAR.